Monday, February 2, 2015

Carpe Diem

Oddly enough one of the things that stands out the most in my memory from my modeling days was an underlying feeling of frustration. I always envied all the people around me who were able to make a living being creative, the photographer, the makeup artist, the wardrobe stylist and the art director... they were expressing themselves through their work. I on the other hand just stood there wanting to do so much more. Don't get me wrong, my voyage has been an incredibly interesting one thus far, my career spanned 10+ years. I worked all the time, traveled constantly (actually a bit too much) saw some amazing places (but wasn't able to share those beautiful sights with someone special) and saved my money (I didn't really have time to stop and spend it!) although I did buy myself a brand new sports car (that had like 500 miles on it 5 years later cuz I was never home to drive it and the battery was always dead, it needed to be charged every time I went to start it up.... just fyi a tiny sports car battery loses its charge after a few months of being parked!) I've met many exciting, eccentric and powerful people along the way... and have found the lesson in nearly every one of my encounters. I played my dutiful part in this great dance... and have always felt this constant current that the universe has aided me along my way, pushed me (if you will) sometimes not always in the right direction but I feel like I've played the cards dealt to me the best I could. Now that current has pulled me in this direction and finally I feel like I am right where I'm supposed to be, placing one foot in front of the other and stepping into the "mold" thats been set out in front of me. I'm anxious to see where these "pre -placed" footsteps are leading... its a mysterious, magical experience as though all I need do is follow along... I think its whats often referred to as "being in the zone" ideas are rushing in, one after the other, and not nearly enough time to get everything I want to do done!
When you're young in your 20's life ahead looks a certain way to you... when you're in your 40's life ahead appears in an entirely different way (as hopefully we become wiser) but it can still be just as breathless, (It feels like I haven't taken a breath since Jan 1st!) filled with wonderment, fantasy and fulfillment, it all depends on your perspective. I decided long ago that I was the gatekeeper to my desired destiny, that I alone held the key and that I would open as many doors as I could find!!
An Incident: I had the honor of working with many uber talented photographers way back when... one was Jon Abeyta a wonderfully creative, gifted man. His photographs are instantly recognizable... even today. Anyway he was having a gala red carpet type event in Century City one Saturday night where his beautiful photos were on exhibit. I was invited as he was showing a photo he'd taken of me. I was still really new to modeling and the whole "Hollywood scene" sort of dazed and bewildered me but at the same time it was oh so fascinating too. A true Fantasy Factory if there ever was one. I was always careful never to get too caught up in it, modeling/acting was just a job for me, I knew it was temporary and fleeting... smoke and mirrors, you know?! So there were lots of celebs milling about, Sylvester Stallone, Angie Dickinson, Rob Lowe and many other 80's notables all of whom had photos on exhibit. While I was viewing the photos on the walls I was struck by the MOST beautiful shot of Margaux Hemingway. She was stunning! I made my way to the restroom and found myself standing right next to her, my first glance of her was the photo, the second was of her reflection in the mirror beside me. She was bright and friendly, putting on lipstick rubbing it around in a big circle on her mouth, she turned to me holding out the lipstick offering to let me share it, then she stroked my hair and told me how lovely she thought it was and off she went! I remember thinking, man, she must have an incredible life, so beautiful, talented and the history of the Hemingway name... I thought about that brief encounter years later when I heard the sad news that she had passed away. Perspective.....
Photo: Jon Abeyta on location Los Angles.